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-James

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Mourn

Posted by james on July 8, 2001

My friend's sister died the other day. While I sit here and type such meaningless crap about life and what I think about it, we've got to appreciate the fact that we still have ours.

Pray for the her soul, and her family.

When people just might misunderstand

Posted by james on June 29, 2001

There's this thing people do sometimes. I do it too, I know that, but it doesn't mean I can't notice it in other people. I notice it a lot, and it always sticks out to me. Maybe that's because I'm so aware of it now.

It's done for the sake of communication. Any communication between two people is imperfect, even in the best of situations. So whenever you say things there's always ways that you can be misunderstood. Even on simple things, when you're trying to explain them, the examples you use and the words you chose can lead to people hearing the wrong things.

One way to address this problem is to say things in a blunt manner. This can lead to miscommunication. People will hear things, and not understand exactly what you're trying to say. The other way is this thing that people do. It doesn't mean that these people are bad, and it doesn't mean that their way is wrong. Both ways could just be equally as good as the other.

There might be other ways to address this problem of miscommunication (which may not be a problem, after all... I guess it's just what I see). I'm sure there's other ways that people deal with it, or maybe they don't see it at all. But it doesn't mean that they're wrong, either.

And this thing that people do, they do in an effort to be better understood. It's a way to protect against someone hearing something you say, and because of who they are and what experiences they have, they might interpret it wrong. They wont hear what you're trying to say. So these people do the thing that they do to try to protect against this.

Funny thing is, I don't know if it helps that much. This thing they do.

Prefacing.

Good vs. Evil (Context of a single life)

Posted by james on June 15, 2001

I feel like there's some kind of struggle in my life. There's a way that it seems like there are two different directions my life can take, and I get pulled between the two. Like there's a good and bad way to live my life, and I'm constantly choosing between the two.

It reminds me of books I've read. In one book, there is a little kid who's smart and ... special? Knowing. And he's dying from some sickness that no one can tell. It's because the inner elements that make up his (soul?) are at war, and the disunity brings him down. There then ensues an effort from his sister to shift the struggle towards good; she does, and he recovers. It's a rather horrible abstract of a wonderful book, but it will do.

I feel like the small things that make up my life have similiar effect. I'm accustomed to big things affecting me in big ways, either good or bad. But lately I've noticed that there's all these little choices I make, and they all seem to be adding towards either helping or hindering me. I get the feeling they've always been there, and the only change has been me being more aware of them.

Another thing that ties into this is the idea of a person's goals. I talked a while ago to some friends at a really nice university. One's in pre-med, looking into med school and taking MCATS, the other is comp-sci, deciding which high paying computer job he should go into. Both are heading towards success (American definition) and seem to be on their way towards their goal. It became aware to me that the goal they were searching for really doesn't appeal to me. I do plan to find a good job at some point, but it's not important enough to strive for so much. It also made me think about the efforts we put towards what we want.

They want good jobs. They want to be successful in their career. Therefore they work towards those goals with determination. And you can see it... they work hard at school, research which places to go and what to study, and do whatever else they can. All this isn't to say that they don't also strive for other good things, or that it isn't a worthwhile endeavor. I'm pointing out the connection between what we want, and how we work towards it.

It only became something new to me when I realized that my goals are very different from theirs. Usually I just chalk it up to my laziness... it's a good mask for many things. But this time it isn't just laziness that keeps me from striving for a good job and successful career out in corporate america; it's just not as important a goal to me anymore. My goals have changed, even more so recently, and I find that the changes in me cause the old goals to have a strange tint to them. In a year when I'm out of college this might all change, and I might find myself in their shoes. But meanwhile, my concerns focus down to the present: to all the little things that struggle to bring me closer to a good or bad life; and towards some other future than simply going into work. Something in Latin America, perhaps? There isn't enough time or prayer between now and then to know yet.

This entry probably isn't as transparent as others have been. Other entries have been for a general audience to understand; simple ideas, succinct. This is more of a half-processed thought that has escaped from my mind. The late night has worn down the parts of my good judgement that usually hold these kind of things inside my head.




<font size="-2"><i>And, there's nothing better than a good thesaurus</i></font>


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