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-James

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Stupid. Human.

Posted by james on Sept. 4, 2003

<i>"Nationally, per vehicle mile traveled, motorcyclists are about 16 times more likely to die in a crash than an automobile passenger. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), motorcycle helmets are 67 percent effective in preventing brain injuries. A motorcyclist without a helmet is 40 percent more likely to incur a fatal head injury and 15 percent more likely to incur a nonfatal injury than a motorcyclist wearing a helmet when in a crash."</i>

I really want a motorcycle... Alright, anyone who's interested in donating to the James Get a Motocycle fund, use the email link on the bottom.

Struggles of hope and purpose

Posted by james on July 21, 2003

In Christian theology, there is an argument over the meaning of the words "Being Saved." Is being saved a single moment, a single choice? Once you are saved, is there any way to lose it? Or is it a life-long process?

Either way, it's obvious that the actions that accompany healthy Christianity are important. It's like a marriage... technically once the two people agree and say their vows, they're married. But 5 years down the line, if you don't find any love in the home then you could argue that whatever makes a marriage more than a few words spoken a few years ago is gone. James 2:18 says "Show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works."

So I find myself in a struggle. I know I believe in God, and I try to learn more how the whole thing works, and what place is mine in this puzzle. God is the centerpiece of the whole thing, he gives everything purpose and hope. And I say I believe that. Yet, sometimes I behave as a person without hope. How often do I pray? How often am I hopeful, or happy? I trust God, but if I trusted him enough would I really be sad about as many things as I am? Or still be searching for something intangible, crucial, and fulfilling?

I also struggle to find purpose. Belize was close, it was something. But I believe now that going there would not have been the best thing. So now I'm in a harder place, stuck where I usually fail. I have to show dedication in order to get the things done that I need to now, and I have to show persistence to actually find something more that I know I want. But what is it that I want? What's my goal for the next part of my life? I can't answer that question yet, and it's going to take a lot of un-james-like characteristics for me to answer it.

But maybe they're the same struggle. I search for purpose or meaning in my actions and occupation. And I search for hope and happiness in life. If I find one, maybe I find the other. Or maybe it's simply a matter of perspective; maybe I've already found it, and now I simply need to appreciate it to realize what I've found.

dirty hands

Posted by james on July 9, 2003

It's been a while since I've written... partly that's because I've been homeless/carless/computer and internet-less. It's disconcerting.

Right now on my arms there's a visible line where I've cleaned off the grease and dirt. I've been working on my car, taking out the old radiator and putting in a new one. I've never done this before, so naturally it worked fine and I had it done in 20 minutes, half of which was spent drinking ice tea.

Well... while I did drink ice tea for 10 minutes, the rest of the 10 hour repair was spent outside, lying in the dirt, trying to budge screws and bolts out of their natural position of being stuck. It was frustrating, and took way longer than it should have. I wish I'd had the right tools, or even a few pointers on how things were supposed to work (not a sterile never-been-tried-in-real-life instruction book), but in the end... I feel fulfilled. I love that I did it (Can't say finished... there's still tomorrow to see if it works). The experience, the learning. Knowing I can (pending tomorrow). It's just a good feeling. Except for the crease in my right hand...

So it's good to get my hands dirty again. Even if it is with car grease and sweat instead of foreign dust and clay. It may not put food on someone's plate, but it's nice to know I did it. Now without help, but still.

And how about this summer, eh?


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