Spiderman 3

Posted by james on May 12, 2007

(post.rating: 3)
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What a load of junk this one was. The first two were alright, but I never liked Tobey Maguire; he just does not express much emotion. There were moments in this one where Kirsten Dunst was accusing him, pleading with him, but every time the camera switched back to him it reminded me eerily of when news anchors don't realize the camera's been switched back to them. Just a blank, waiting expression. And spider man is all about the characters, otherwise the action is meaningless.

In this movie, the director (Sam Raimi) just tries to cram way too much stuff. One reviewer mentioned that there's so much going on but it doesn't feel rushed. Of course it doesn't; the movie is 2 and a half hours long! That works for some movies, but definitely not for this one. Near the last third of the movie I actually considered leaving. If I were watching this at home, I would have fast-forwarded to the final fight scene (which itself lasted for something like 20 minutes). The biggest problem with all this is that all that extra time is taken up by things that simply do not add anything to the story.

I almost forgot about the "sandman" character; he was disinteresting from the start (even after recognizing Thomas Church from wings... Hi Lowell!), and then simply disappeared, only to reappear (wait, he's still in this movie?) and do something banal, then disappear again. If he can really spend that much time off screen and not influencing the story at all, then he can simple be removed. Even his fights weren't really that interesting.

By far the worst part of the film is Tobey Maguire. Yes, he's a horrid actor, but then there was this half-hour segment of what I can only deem the "Everything Go Nuts Crazy Jazz Time" where there was no spiderman, only... "Strictly Ballroom"? Wait, wasn't this about a super hero? Isn't this about the powerful and intriguing alien "Venom" who takes over their host? Apparently on planet Venom, ballroom dancing is what happens to superheroes that go bad. Here on earth we call that "Saturday afternoon made-for-tv special". It's about equally as scary.

Kirsten Dunst is usually not too strong an actress; she's not bad, just doesn't always seem believable in her roles. In this movie, you hardly notice; she gets lost in the smorgasborg of campiness in this movie.

Comic-based movies are usually about neat, fantastic ideas, and rely heavily on building memorable characters to make the action relevant and engrossing. This movie is more like someone typed an outline of plot points, and then they rolled a 30-sided dice to see which character would do what. Cue Aunt-May with the all-too-relevant "All you need is love" saying, then make spiderman bump into (roll.... ) The Sandman! Again! Make him say something (roll.... ) that he never meant to kill (roll.... ) his uncle and that he's (roll.... ) never going to be caught! No, wait (little-roll..) that he's sorry. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Lame. That's all I could think when I left the movie. And after the second half of the movie. And every time during the movie that I laughed at the ridiculousness going on in each scene. What in the world happened to this one? I heard a rumor that "they" (Raimi?) have signed on for 3 more spiderman movies. I really hope not. I thought about what could fix this series, and came up with a list. Some time would have to pass, so everyone forgot about this one. They'd have to find a new director (this is key). They'd have to find a new approach for the plot (not simply come up with yet another villain, and milk the best-friends rivalry more than they already have). And they'd *absolutely* have to get rid of Tobey Maguire as spiderman. In short, they'd have to pull a Batman. And the chances of that actually working are so slim, I really hope they just loose too much money and stop making these. RIP, good spiderman movies. Get ready for the rest of the sequels.